I enjoyed a little foray into the glamour world yesterday and tried on a pair of fishnet tights I had bought over a year ago and had left languishing in my drawer. I am not sure why they languished so long except that I thought they were a bit of a cliché and I would look ridiculous in them.
It may surprise some of you to know that I suffer from a lack of body confidence at times since I post pictures of myself naked (or almost) here but I do. I fear being ridiculed and shamed for expressing my sexuality and fishnets are overtly about that, particularly those with a gap at the crotch to allow them to be worn with no knickers.
The top two pictures also show my stomach with its less than perfect surface and the pouch that remains after four children in spite of my best efforts. I wanted to post them as I liked the vulnerability, the ‘realness’ the lack of pretence.
In a strange way it gives me more confidence when I post these kinds of pictures because I don’t have that nagging voice in the back of my head saying ‘but when they meet me they’ll be disappointed because they will be overwhelmed by the less than glamorous parts of me that I have cropped out of my pictures’.
The bottom one is cropped and much more ‘glamorous’ I have presented only my best features, my legs, in an attractive pose to accentuate their length. It pleases me aesthetically but also leaves that gap for the voice to get in again.
A conundrum. One I think is part of my journey here, and I value the opportunity to explore in such a safe space. Thanks to you, faithful reader for travelling with me through parts of it.
Which one(s) do you prefer? I’d love to know ?