I love it when Master plans.
I should amend that, really, I love it when I understand that He has planned; that His plan has included me. Actually that is wrong too. When the realisation dawns that He has not only included me but that my needs, my wants,
my desires are at the centre of a plan that He has concocted to fulfil what He wants. There is a synergy there that isn’t often experienced but is at the heart of the power exchange we share..
In order for this to work, I have to have communicated my desires, my wants, my needs to Him and since this is very difficult for me at times this means that He has not only had to construct a plan for the endgame but also to had to construct one that
will extract from me those things I find hardest to articulate. He has had to be more cunning, faster, more alert and observant than me and to put what He finds out to good use, which is ultimately anchored to Him fulfilling His need to plan for us and to
use and dominate me.
The freedom inherrent in this dichotomy has been written about many times. The usual tropes are trotted out – we find freedom in submission, that submissives are strong not weak, that our happiness is bound up in pleasing our Dominant, that without our
Masters we are lost and I suppose that these are all true but for me they simply do not go deep enough into the sense of ownership and of being owned. For some this is also spoken about using the metaphor of slavery to describe the ultimate handing over of
control. It certainly addresses the sense of compulsion to please and to obey; that is that a slave has no choice in the matter and for many this resonates on both sides of the slash, the Dominant enjoying the control and the submissive the handing over of
it. The reason why I would call someone Master (and I do) is that it acknowledges both a position of power over me and also a sense of responsibility towards me and my wellbeing, otherwise it is simply exploitation by another name.
This responsibility for my wellbeing does not, however, absolve me of mine to myself. In fact it is a requirement of me that I live my life well, that I place myself and my needs at the heart of my life and this my dear reader, is a harder task than any
I have had before in my life. I am a chronic co-dependent which is why articulating my needs is so difficult. It is much easier to find out what you want and to get my sense of satisfaction from giving that to you than from actually acknowledging what I
want. That seems so bold, so … entitled … and yet … and yet … this is what is required of me to give Him satisfaction. This, for me, is like the idea of Bodhissatva – that the enlightened ones are so enlightened they put off the moment of full enlightenment
and ascension from this plane of suffering inorder to continue to work for the enlightenment of all sentient beings, which in itself is a supreme moment of enlightenment. Like a series of mirrors seeming to stream on into infinity or the endless cycles yin
and yang symbols, one feeds the other, feeds the other.
So why have I called this On Planning?
Mostly because I have to plan, everyone has to plan their lives, but certainly I have a great need to as I enter the next part of my life. I have two marriages behind me and four children from them, elderly parents,
no pension and am just about to engage in the sale of my greatest asset – my house and to share the profit from that with my ex. I need to place myself at the centre of my life in no uncertain circumstances and with that comes also the need to place this
part of me, my sexuality, my physical and emotional needs right there in the middle too. I also need to know that He knows this too and that inspite of how it might feel at times that there is a plan, because I can trust Him to have one that will make sure
I am right there too.