“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet” (Act 2, scene 2) Romeo and Juliet
Juliet uses this phrase to argue that Romeo’s name is incidental to their love. Whilst this might be true for them, their other relationship, that of children in the warring families of Capulet and Montague argues exactly the opposite – namely that precisely because of his name Juliet should not and could not fall in love with Romeo and there are certainly those around who should argue that my M and I should not have fallen in love with each other. I don’t share their view.
I am writing this post because I firmly believe in the importance of names and of loving as fully as I can where I can. I have always had a fascination with names and as a teenager kept a list of unusual ones I liked. As a twice married woman I am also a fan of falling in love and of loving too. This might seem counter intuitive but I feel that the pain of loss is a cost of love I am willing to pay.
Anyway, back to names; as a teenager I regularly scanned the end credits of films and television programmes to gather more names for my list and my favourite type of books were those that had a name as part of the title. I was always fully aware of the power of names. As a sulky, passive aggressive young wife I refused to refer to my new father-in-law by his name. To this day I cannot recall ever addressing him directly, I would always refer to him ‘your dad’ when speaking to my husband. I suppose at the time it gave me some sense of needed power over my world. As an aside my new husband had threatened to call the wedding off if I didn’t take his last name – as I had the same first name as his sister this meant that for a while we both shared both our first and last names which was odd to say the least. I reverted back to my maiden name (what a delightful phrase that is) as soon as we separated and because of this none of my four children share my surname which seems strange now but it was the way things were then.
I have written about how He gave me my name when we first began our online D/s relationship on this blog. It is common practice I believe, to give the emerging part of a new submissive a name that they can associate with these new relationships both the one with the dominant party and with themselves. It also serves to provide a boundary between this part of their lives and the other parts that must be kept going if the submissive is to continue to engage there too. The draw of online D/s is an undertow that can drag both parties down into a world of fantasy which is a vivid as any three degree world available. The submissive mind is endlessly creative and when harnessed by a skilled and experienced dominant this can be as addictive as any drug. I found that when I am referred to or introduced as eye I am freed from the constraints of my birth name. Freed of the expectations of good behaviour, a certain kind of sexuality, and the responsibilities to consider anything other than His requirements of me. The importance of this as a way to allow me to engage with the hidden parts of myself cannot be over estimated. I discovered a way to connect to my sexuality that unleashed my creativity. It was truly the missing link in my life and relationship with myself.
I can’t remember why I called Him Master now. It was never suggested to me, He told me His name and said I should call Him what I liked. I had a long standing dislike of honorifics but my experience of Him was so complete that Master became the one that felt right to me. I know that this is also what others that came before me called Him too. It is apt, it suits Him. He is a Master.
He is my Master
Over time our relationship developed and began to involve other people and public places. We needed to decide what to call each other in public, what to introduce each other as to friends and family. My full name had become a watchword for old unhelpful ways of thinking, a kind of shorthand for when I was not operating as my own best friend. Learned behaviour from previous relationships that I was, with His help, overcoming in my own life and so didn’t feel appropriate to our nascent us. I also felt the need to differentiate myself from other people in His life and didn’t want to call Him what others did.
After some thought we settled on diminutive versions of our names, He is Ant and I am Wen, sometimes Wen Wen, and I love it. It lacks the slightly querulous tone to the ‘y’ ending in my name and I am happy that it is also what His birth family called Him too. I like that closeness, the intimacy of Ant as I speak it, slightly hesitant at first at what felt like the audacity of it and most lately with joy at the indication of how far we have come.
As our future unfolds together I believe we will move between Ant and Wen and Master and eye with increasing fluidity and this gives an audible aspect to the sense of security I have around us. From the outside I know that this might not always be obvious as there are some big changes still to come for both of us. But our course is now set and it is full of rights and lefts to allow interesting diversions rather than a direct path to a predictable outcome.
Ant and Wen are preparing for the trip of their lifetime together with Master and eye as welcome co-pilots. There are plans and dates and concrete expressions of the changes we are both looking forward to and a commitment to include all the aspects of us we have found and enjoyed so far. I love the taste of His name on my tongue and the sound of mine in my ear. What started in the head and body has grown to include the heart.
We have a good thing going on and it will be quite a ride.
So hold on to your hats ❤