I have always been crap at numbers and pay very little attention to my follower counts, number of views, or links. I am mostly just happy to be able to do this and I avoid creating goals or targets for fear of missing them or disappointing myself or people whose opinion matters to me.
In short, I fear failure because I do not believe in my ability to create my own success.
With that in mind the yearly blogging awards is something that I cannot avoid, and actually don’t want to as, as contrary as it sounds, I do want to feel part of a community in spite of choosing to spend most of my time on my own these days. And joking in with Memes like this one is a way to contribute to that community.
Thinking about this I asked myself the following questions
How do I react to good news? To competition? To feeling left out? To feeling judged?
Whatever my reactions they feel wrong, or I can find something to feel wrong about anyway but they breakdown to the following list:
Relief I am there at all.
Competitive about where I come in the reckoning.
Lazy because I didn’t put in the work.
Upset because I want to feel that I tried hard but truth be told I just got through the year.
Fed up because it feels that I just get through the year every year.
Happy because people I like and rate as writers and bloggers get their well deserved moment in the sun.
Happy because that is a true feeling and that makes me feel good about myself.
Reconciled to wherever I have come in the reckoning because I am lazy about maintaining a mood whether good or bad!
From a distance, having started this post in December and finishing it now so it can join with others to celebrate Marie’s 400th #WickedWednesday, I can see that it is good to let these feelings sit before writing about them. In the heat of the moment I am more likely to feel a sting of rejection that to bask in the glow of success. I will also, almost without fail, seek a way to make any success seem to have come about because of an accident or fluke rather than my own hard work!
It is good to acknowledge hard work when it is seen, however, and Marie of https://rebelsnotes.com is a writer and blogger who works hard at her craft and deserves every single award that she is given. It is a pleasure to join with this meme and to offer my support to her here.