I was reminded the other day about the state known as subfrenzy. This is most notable in women who become aware of the concept of a D/s relationship, often via films or writings of some kind and then become obsessed with finding a Dom or getting their slightly bemused partner to Dominate them. This is often not accompanied by proper exploration or evaluation of the risks and benefits. Many people, and I include myself in that category, do not have a well functioning method of communication, understand the concept of consent or have good boundaries. Many are co-dependent and see D/s as a way to explain why they see themselves as half a person without their married or lifetime partner. Submission in that place becomes the holy grail. You are absolutely convinced that it will resolve any relationship problems you might have and so overwhelming is the feeling that it can lead many people to do things they might not have otherwise done.
From the heady heights of a D/s relationship that is now heading into its seventh year but that mostly does not involve the kinds of things people assume are the essential part of D/s, namely sex, bondage and other kinks, I sometimes wonder whether our us could stand up to close scrutiny by those who are a party to the rules of TrueDomdom. What is it about the nature of our relationship that makes it so different to the other very long term relationships I have had before? I have had no other D/s relationships although I have had kinky sex that played with power and role-played D/s but this has always felt so different in its very nature. It very quickly became the bedrock of my life, a foundation that supported rather than sought to contain or to make up for my flaws as I had felt so often before. He is my everything, but so am I in that I am now absolutely central in my own life. And I know this is the same for Him.
What is important here is that I know I can trust Him to have my best interests at heart at a level that is higher than I would ask of myself. There are big changes coming for both of us and when He tells me He’s got it I know this is not fobbing me off but it is part of His Dominance and part of my submission.
What does this have to do with going for a walk and then writing about it? Well those were His requests of me today. He set out my timetable in the message above to me last night because He is aware of my ability to overextend myself when I am dealing with things emotionally at a level that I am usually unaware of until after the event, In this case, our separation which is set to continue for at least another two months, my mum and dad’s birthday yesterday and the reminder of my dad’s death that comes with that. He can often see me much more clearly than I see myself. His presence in my life has been truly life-changing and I live a different life because of us.
So, I went for a walk today as He asked. I took photos and reflected on the beautiful area I live in. I journeyed along canals that brought coal for the mills to make woollen cloth in the industrial revolution and back along the cycle path created as a result of Beeching’s cuts to the railways. I was reminded of taking my dog Bette for walks, cycle rides with all of my children and stop offs in the pub at the bottom of the hill for Orangina and crisps. I was reminded of good times, of a relationship that ended at the right time but in the wrong way and I made my peace with that.
Going for a walk and writing about it is actually one of the first things He asked me to do with Him via a fetlife message. I decided to say yes because I knew this walk was through country I needed to visit.
I was’t wrong, because discovering submission and power exchange was discovering myself and finding a relationship I could be myself in has been the best thing ever.