He’s gone again. It was a Friday morning full of leaving. No matter how hard I try it always fore-shadows the day. I am saying good-bye before I need to, protecting myself from the pain and beginning to wrap myself up in don’t cares and see you soons that sound as hollow as they feel. This time was different. I was monitoring myself, checking in with how I really felt rather than my habitual ways of dealing with separation. The old wounds were still there, I could feel the scar tissue itching. My old habits were waiting in the wings for their cue but centre stage was a clarity of…
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This is it, this is us!
He is snoozing in an armchair next to me as the boat engine rumbles away behind us. Fuelling the warm radiators, the hot water, the cosiness we find ourselves in, a week after he joined me. A week after our seven year old long distance relationship transformed into one where we share the same address and go up the stairs to bed together every night. This us started online. It was not meant to become something that would cause us both to unpick fabric we had been weaving with every intention of wearing ’til death us do part. To those that might judge us I would say you cannot judge…
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It wouldn’t be enough
A long time ago, in a small market town, there lived a woman who thought she knew what it was to be loved and that if she didn’t feel loved the problem was with her. She spent a lot of time adjusting her attitude, practising gratitude, and learning all she could about how to keep her husband and children happy. Because that was a her role, her aim in life, and her happiness. She knew this. She also knew that she would die someday and her gravestone would read ‘could have done better’. When she met a man who seemed to offer everything she needed, Who understood her need to…
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When next we meet – I will wear purple
It’s been 119 days since we met. Since I breathed in your scent at the delicious point where your shoulder meets your neck. Under the crisp collar, a tender spot that lures me everytime we meet to breathe deeply and sigh, and smile. Home I think. Home I feel. This is home, I hear myself saying.
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Owning pleasure – an about us post
I remember it so clearly. I was lying on my bed even though it was lunchtime, I was still wearing my underwear which was also odd as I like to sleep naked. However, I wasn’t there to sleep, I was there for my own pleasure, with a man that wasn’t there, and who also wasn’t my husband. We’d been talking for months, from early spring until this warm summer day. I could hear the cars on the busy road outside, going about their business as if something as if all was normal. So afraid of being caught was I that I wondered how could they not know what I was…
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Lessons I have learnt from grief
Those of you that follow me on twitter will have seen my message about my mum’s death. She became ill with Corvid-19 around a week ago, her nursing home had an outbreak in the corridor of the building her room was on and they locked it down to isolate those people who were ill with it from those that weren’t. In retrospect it hasn’t taken long at all, however it feels like a journey of a million steps from there to here. Mum was comparatively physically robust, certainly when I contrast her with my dad’s frailty of the three years before he died. Her mind was where her fragility showed.…
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Go for a walk, then write about it
I was reminded the other day about the state known as subfrenzy. This is most notable in women who become aware of the concept of a D/s relationship, often via films or writings of some kind and then become obsessed with finding a Dom or getting their slightly bemused partner to Dominate them. This is often not accompanied by proper exploration or evaluation of the risks and benefits. Many people, and I include myself in that category, do not have a well functioning method of communication, understand the concept of consent or have good boundaries. Many are co-dependent and see D/s as a way to explain why they see themselves…
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SinfulSunday – baking bread
In common with any of us I am experimenting with baking bread whilst at home. An important part of this is the equipment required which in this case includes a pinny! Here’s an extra pic for this prompt week 💋 Take good care out there and check out the other great images posted this week by clicking the link below ❤
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SinfulSunday – bathtime
Nothing nicer than a restorative bath is there?
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Love in a time of Corona Virus – when your relationship is LDR or complicated
I don’t know about you but I am aware of tears not being far away most of the time. Outwardly I am doing OK, if a little distracted during my working day and finding it hard to concentrate and focus. But when you are self isolating that could be expected I think and in the main I am supported, my work is OK and my family well so far. So, why the tears? If I enquire more closely into my feelings I notice this sense of loss, and below that fear of more loss, layered over an uncertainty that I haven’t felt for a while. Generally my sense of being…
