• Us,  Words

    Object Permanence

    He’s gone again. It was a Friday morning full of leaving. No matter how hard I try it always fore-shadows the day. I am saying good-bye before I need to, protecting myself from the pain and beginning to wrap myself up in don’t cares and see you soons that sound as hollow as they feel. This time was different. I was monitoring myself, checking in with how I really felt rather than my habitual ways of dealing with separation. The old wounds were still there, I could feel the scar tissue itching. My old habits were waiting in the wings for their cue but centre stage was a clarity of…

  • Moments,  Us

    This is it, this is us!

    He is snoozing in an armchair next to me as the boat engine rumbles away behind us. Fuelling the warm radiators, the hot water, the cosiness we find ourselves in, a week after he joined me. A week after our seven year old long distance relationship transformed into one where we share the same address and go up the stairs to bed together every night. This us started online. It was not meant to become something that would cause us both to unpick fabric we had been weaving with every intention of wearing ’til death us do part. To those that might judge us I would say you cannot judge…

  • us in tent
    Moments,  Us,  Words

    It wouldn’t be enough

    A long time ago, in a small market town, there lived a woman who thought she knew what it was to be loved and that if she didn’t feel loved the problem was with her.  She spent a lot of time adjusting her attitude, practising gratitude, and learning all she could about how to keep her husband and children happy.  Because that was a her role, her aim in life, and her happiness.  She knew this. She also knew that she would die someday and her gravestone would read ‘could have done better’. When she met a man who seemed to offer everything she needed, Who understood her need to…

  • a woman with a vibrator between her legs
    #SexySaturday,  Images,  Moments,  Us

    Owning pleasure – an about us post

    I remember it so clearly. I was lying on my bed even though it was lunchtime, I was still wearing my underwear which was also odd as I like to sleep naked. However, I wasn’t there to sleep, I was there for my own pleasure, with a man that wasn’t there, and who also wasn’t my husband. We’d been talking for months, from early spring until this warm summer day. I could hear the cars on the busy road outside, going about their business as if something as if all was normal. So afraid of being caught was I that I wondered how could they not know what I was…

  • Object Permanence,  Us,  Words

    Hey, it’s been a while

    How are we all doing? Things are good here. I thought I’d let you know how good and in what ways I counted it as such. What happiness feels like for me. It’s new, it’s startlingly easy, it’s bizarrely OK. He asks what did I expect, He always knew we were good together, and I feel sad sometimes, that my anxiety will knock that certainty in myself at times. But one of the things that is new is the injunction not to try to fix myself because of my perceived failings but to accept, love and honour my thoughts and feelings in all their glorious colours and shades. It’s the…