• Moments,  Us

    Sometimes desire

    This used to be the only place we met. We lived apart, had separate lives, friends, and families. Now, most of our kids have met the other. The venn diagram of our friends has many more people in the centre. Our lives intersect in so many places without bleeding into each other so much that we don’t know where we both begin and end. We’re here, a hotel room in the afternoon, a bottle of champagne and some sushi down, chatting, snoozing and enjoying each other’s company. We’re intimate, close, and connected. It’s a gift neither of us take for granted. And, easy though it might be to hold what…

  • Me,  Words

    A Manifesto for my 63rd year

    I started the piece of writing thinking I was going to make a list of places I wanted to visit and experiences I wanted to have. I guess that will have to wait for another post as this is what came out of the ends of my fingers.

  • Object Permanence,  Us,  Words

    Hey, it’s been a while

    How are we all doing? Things are good here. I thought I’d let you know how good and in what ways I counted it as such. What happiness feels like for me. It’s new, it’s startlingly easy, it’s bizarrely OK. He asks what did I expect, He always knew we were good together, and I feel sad sometimes, that my anxiety will knock that certainty in myself at times. But one of the things that is new is the injunction not to try to fix myself because of my perceived failings but to accept, love and honour my thoughts and feelings in all their glorious colours and shades. It’s the…

  • Words

    When I thought you were a god

      I have been thinking a lot about the early days of our relationship – back before I would even have called it such a thing.  I am aware of a number of reasons why I wouldn’t have called what we had and did a relationship then. It was online and online friends/crushes/relationships don’t count do they? I was keeping the fact that it was a relationship from myself because otherwise I would have had to stop engaging and I didn’t want to do that. He had taught me how to use a silo in my mind in which all that we did and were existed so that I could…

  • Words

    Connection, intimacy and time

    We have a routine, He and I.  I have written about it before.  The morning message, the shared journey to work, the cheerful ‘coffee?’ as we both grab a bit of space mid morning, the ‘lunch?’ reminder, the so welcome ‘tea?’ halfway through the afternoon, and the questioning ‘done?’ followed by the triumphant ‘done!’ as we both leave work.  Then we chat about our day until we both head to our evenings to reconvene around 9.15 for the last hour and a half of the day before curling up together and saying ‘night love xx’. We both know this is remote, believe me we do, but this rhythm frames our…

  • #F4TFriday,  Words

    Mistakes

    Yes I shouldn’t have said yes to that boy who offered to take me for a drive. I shouldn’t have said yes to the boy who invited me in when I told him what the first boy and I had done. I shouldn’t have walked down the road, looking into the eyes of the young men that drove towards me. I shouldn’t have said yes to the ones that stopped and asked me if I wanted a lift. I shouldn’t have said yes when they asked ‘does someone here want to be saved?’ I shouldn’t have said yes when they invited me to walk to the front to be prayed…

  • #F4TFriday,  Words

    #F4TFriday – Landmarks

    I scrolled through my posts looking for those that stood out as landmarks.  The first ones are easy.  The first post ever on my blog.  Where I seem bewildered but determined to get to grips with my changed circumstances – you can read it here: https://wordpress.com/post/cleareyedgirlblog.wordpress.com/3 I  then alighted on and chose this one as it so clearly evokes where we started and when I started playing with words: Strap sound https://wordpress.com/post/cleareyedgirlblog.wordpress.com/545 This post is another landmark; one where we acknowledged the breaking open of the D/s silo we had started the relationship in and our mutual desire to see where that took us: https://wordpress.com/post/cleareyedgirlblog.wordpress.com/3620 Every relationship has its ups…

  • Sinful Sunday

    #SinfulSunday – #InternationalWomensDay

    My ability to take this photo and post it is a freedom that has been won by those coming before me. We are more than our bodies, yet our bodies connect us to the rhythms and cycles of life and carry our being on our journey through it. I celebrate its beauty, patinated with experiences and carried forward by love. I put it on public view to help dispel the belief that only those that fit whatever current criteria of beauty is in force have the right to do so. I fight the concept of older women’s invisibility with these posts. I encourage you and I to love ourselves simply…

  • Eroticon,  Sinful Sunday,  Words

    Eroticon 2019 Virtual Meet and Greet

    Eroticon 2019 Meet and Greet I have been attending Eroticon since 2013 and have all the notebooks from all the sessions I have attended.  I guess it is fair to say then that Eroticon has been extremely influential in my growing understanding of both my own sexuality and those around me.  This has been reflected in my writing and was central to my starting an MA in Creative Writing (I am still to decide whether to continue with this). To say that going to Eroticon is life changing is no small claim but one I make boldly as it has had a huge impact in my own life.  I hope…