• Words

    When I thought you were a god

      I have been thinking a lot about the early days of our relationship – back before I would even have called it such a thing.  I am aware of a number of reasons why I wouldn’t have called what we had and did a relationship then. It was online and online friends/crushes/relationships don’t count do they? I was keeping the fact that it was a relationship from myself because otherwise I would have had to stop engaging and I didn’t want to do that. He had taught me how to use a silo in my mind in which all that we did and were existed so that I could…

  • Words

    No touching

    I don’t touch myself. My own hand between my own legs doesn’t feel sexy, it feels invasive. If I pinch my own nipples I am bemused by the dissociation present between the parts of my body and my mind. If I cup my own breasts I am just shocked by the weight of them rather than enraptured by their curves. I do not touch myself. Which was the cart and which the horse? I don’t remember masturbating as a child, so much so that I didn’t really know it was a thing a girl or a woman would or could do. My thrill was in the sensation that could be…

  • Words

    Connection, intimacy and time

    We have a routine, He and I.  I have written about it before.  The morning message, the shared journey to work, the cheerful ‘coffee?’ as we both grab a bit of space mid morning, the ‘lunch?’ reminder, the so welcome ‘tea?’ halfway through the afternoon, and the questioning ‘done?’ followed by the triumphant ‘done!’ as we both leave work.  Then we chat about our day until we both head to our evenings to reconvene around 9.15 for the last hour and a half of the day before curling up together and saying ‘night love xx’. We both know this is remote, believe me we do, but this rhythm frames our…

  • Words

    I don’t want to write this post

    There was a time when every encounter brought words gushing out of me. I had no trouble creating imaginative connections, new neural pathways were being forged, synapses were sparked, emotions were unlocked and I flowed, like a river towards the sea, always towards Him He was my ocean and I bathed in Him. I wrote for Him. He was my Master and when I struggled to start a piece I would ask Him for words. His words, His specific way of seeing the world opened up so much to me and I was made anew by His presence and touch. He made me gasp and tremble and cry with pain.…

  • #F4TFriday,  Words

    Mistakes

    Yes I shouldn’t have said yes to that boy who offered to take me for a drive. I shouldn’t have said yes to the boy who invited me in when I told him what the first boy and I had done. I shouldn’t have walked down the road, looking into the eyes of the young men that drove towards me. I shouldn’t have said yes to the ones that stopped and asked me if I wanted a lift. I shouldn’t have said yes when they asked ‘does someone here want to be saved?’ I shouldn’t have said yes when they invited me to walk to the front to be prayed…

  • #F4TFriday,  Words

    #F4TFriday – Landmarks

    I scrolled through my posts looking for those that stood out as landmarks.  The first ones are easy.  The first post ever on my blog.  Where I seem bewildered but determined to get to grips with my changed circumstances – you can read it here: https://wordpress.com/post/cleareyedgirlblog.wordpress.com/3 I  then alighted on and chose this one as it so clearly evokes where we started and when I started playing with words: Strap sound https://wordpress.com/post/cleareyedgirlblog.wordpress.com/545 This post is another landmark; one where we acknowledged the breaking open of the D/s silo we had started the relationship in and our mutual desire to see where that took us: https://wordpress.com/post/cleareyedgirlblog.wordpress.com/3620 Every relationship has its ups…

  • Eroticon,  Sinful Sunday,  Words

    Eroticon 2019 Virtual Meet and Greet

    Eroticon 2019 Meet and Greet I have been attending Eroticon since 2013 and have all the notebooks from all the sessions I have attended.  I guess it is fair to say then that Eroticon has been extremely influential in my growing understanding of both my own sexuality and those around me.  This has been reflected in my writing and was central to my starting an MA in Creative Writing (I am still to decide whether to continue with this). To say that going to Eroticon is life changing is no small claim but one I make boldly as it has had a huge impact in my own life.  I hope…

  • Words

    Take

    my hand and put it where you need my touch. Arrange my limbs to suit your purpose on this cold wintry day. Do you need my heat? Want my moist lips around your velveted head? Require me only to accept you in? Take it. Grind my face into the scent of you. Place your hand on my head and push me down, so close my nostrils cannot allow breath in. Fill my mouth with you. Have me moan and wriggle with pleasure mixed with drops of fear. Laugh as you release me, and I gasp and drool, pupils wide with arousal, mouth still open as instructed. Tease my nipples with…

  • Words

    If I were your girlfriend

    ‘Would you let me dress you, before we go out? Not cos you’re helpless, but cos those are the things, those are the things, that being in love’s about’  Prince, If I were your girlfriend. I remember when my husband hacked my computer and found my messages to M. He told a mutual friend that M told me what to wear as evidence that this was a regressive relationship. In fact, I had regularly asked my husband what I should wear and he always responded that I should be comfortable. I don’t blame him for this response but it was so far from what I was asking we might have…