• Sinful Sunday

    My counsellor said…

    You chose to grow, you had to grow. I had asked him “what happened, how did I get here, how did it go from good to terrible in such a short time?” He said “you had a choice to make, you saw it and you chose the right one for you.” I was in bits. Tissues scrunched up in fists, eyes streaming, head shaking, no, no, no, no. Just no. Not me. Not us. We didn’t do this. We were better than that. I believed it. But when push came to shove guess who got shoved? It seemed there was a reason. Something I said… or didn’t say… with the…

  • Sinful Sunday

    Edges

        You are all edges, not pointed or jagged but rounded yet solid like the seamed walls of my bath. I can sit or stand or lie within those edges. They contain me, hugged round like a blanket, a safe harbour to moor against as solid and as smooth as a leather gloved hand. During my day, and for my people I can be all edges too. They moor against my smooth walls. They look to me for support. It is endless and satisfying. It is also too too much. Take my hand and take me down to the dark place where my walls are not solid. Wreck my…

  • Sinful Sunday

    Under the radar

    I will fly under the radar It’s what I do. But what I want is to be true This means I will test and push not obviously, that is too easy to counter but subtly. Do you notice? Does it matter to you? When close, when connected, there is nothing to hide I can give you all of me. When apart, when, left to my own devices then – what is the saying, the devil finds work for idle hands to do? My hands are idle. Sometimes. eye Originally written and posted here March 2014

  • Sinful Sunday

    Strap Sound

    Strap sound Flick A moment of Why am I doing this, I don’t like it! Then Settle into pain Transform it to sensation Spreading, Increasing blood flow Tiny points of Sparks In skin Stars Behind eyes Rushing towards Push in Stop Push more Stop Back arches as head is pulled back My hair My neck Ow Push Pull Arch Thrust Coming now In ear Shudder Gasp Shudder On cock On dick On pole On axis of earth Straddle continents Ice under me In In deep and on Both at once Both together Pull Push Climb Breathe Bruised bum, Still warm, Safe, Held, Home.

  • Sinful Sunday

    On Valentine’s Day ❤

      I am thinking about love on Valentine’s Day. A day that in the past I have felt I couldn’t get right for fear of getting it wrong. An uneasy day because of that and in spite of gorgeous cards which offered me love and devotion but that cost me dearly. This year I post my Valentine’s Day card to the One who choose me. This picture of me shows how far I have come in love. Offering it first to myself before giving it to another.  This is what I have been taught. I am truly grateful. I love how elegant my legs look and the arch and shape…

  • Sinful Sunday

    Blood

    It’s been at least three years since I last bled monthly, the last year of that was scant and irregular.  Although the five years before that were a veritable flood which left me shaky and at odds with my body and its apparent lack of control. However I have found myself over the last couple of days checking my underwear and toilet paper when going to the toilet to see if I was bleeding.  This habit which has been missing from my toilet routine for a longtime, was once more than daily, a kind of reflex borne out of the desire to manage its irregular appearance before it stained my knickers and then my…

  • Sinful Sunday

    In at the deep end

    Britons, Saxons, Danes and Romans; Blue, Yellow, Green and Red. The Romans always won in the sports events at my school.  Cups in the display cabinet on the stairs were expected to wear red ribbons.  True to history the Saxons never did. Their yellow bows were only ever on the best sponge or apron awards and when I arrived at the grammar school aged 11 I was put into the Saxon house.  It took me a term to work out who the winners were and then to create an aunt who had been a pupil of the school and a member of the Romans’ house.  It was a tradition in our family…