When you live with your love there are multiple opportunities to share small everyday routines that knit your days together and weave the fabric of your life’s tapestry.

When you are in a long distance relationship (LDR) with your love and D/s partner, as I am, small routines become the basis on which the relationship survives and thrives, or fails.

My first message every day is to my Master. It follows the same format which I never use with anyone else. This was not because of a request from Him but is because I want to acknowledge the significance of His place in my life both to Him and to myself. It came about as naturally as calling Him Master which was also not requested by Him but seemed apt as I grew to know more about how He moved in the world and as a response to His impact on my life.

Our day is book-ended by contact with each other; we share coffee breaks at a distance, chat about work colleagues and challenges throughout the day. I bring Him my desires and needs as I meet them and He provides me with His advice and correction as He feels appropriate. Each night I sleep wrapped in His arms, surrounded by his kisses floating in the air above me. I know that were we together His back would be towards the door, protecting me from whatever dangers might come from outside our communion and that settles me. I know His arm is extended to hold me when I join Him in our shared space. I know that I will never have the cold shoulder from Him due to a perceived slight or because I have enjoyed myself with friends and family and not with Him. He is my biggest cheerleader, the one who encourages me to try, to explore, to push further and always to have fun since that is our law. This is linked to our agreement not to pine when we are apart, time spent wishing you were somewhere else and with someone else is wasted and it is too precious a commodity to allow that to happen. When fun is done He remains my home place, my perch after a long flight and my source of nurturance and security. Our routine is sometimes disrupted by work or home demands, holidays or activities with other people but we remain connected regardless of timezone, separation or others through these regular small acknowledgements of each other’s importance and place in our life together.

More recently we have developed an “us” a sense of our connection that can withstand visibility and interrogation by other eyes than ours and this has led to there also being a “we” which is, for us, a coupling that has both history, a present and a future. This we is somewhere that expectations and understanding can live alongside our obvious commitment and connection to each other and others we love or have responsibility for. This is a precious new space for me having exited a very longstanding relationship comparatively recently with a great deal less grace than I had hoped but His constancy and caring provided me with a solid foundation of being seen and still loved not just in-spite of that seeing but because of what He sees there, that has enabled my recovery and stabilisation after such a rupture.

We none of us know what the future holds and our we is not exempt from that human condition. However, having only experienced relationships built on presenteeism rather than presence, on hiding aspects of myself rather than being truly seen and on a known slow path to death rather than a journey full of rights and lefts to explore before its inevitable end, it is truly astonishing to me that as I approach my sixth decade I am filled with excitement about what life might bring once more. And perhaps one of the beautiful things we gain from our relationship being LDR at the moment is the wonderful moments of reconnecting in the physical realm – as Shakespeare said so well –

“Yet here in will I imitate the sun,

Who doth permit the base contagious clouds

To smother up his beaut from the world,

That, when he please again to be himself,

Being wanted, he may be more wondered at”

Henry IV pt 1

I am wanted, He is wanted and in that wanting lives so much wonder and love at this late blooming rose that is nurtured by our routines and fed by our commitment.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3<3

(This post was suggested by Master in response to my #SinfulSunday – easy like Sunday morning post which can be seen here Other posts about our us can be found by search for the tag D/s and us. I will collate these at a later date)


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