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Yes

I shouldn’t have said yes to that boy who offered to take me for a drive.

I shouldn’t have said yes to the boy who invited me in when I told him what the first boy and I had done.

I shouldn’t have walked down the road, looking into the eyes of the young men that drove towards me.

I shouldn’t have said yes to the ones that stopped and asked me if I wanted a lift.

I shouldn’t have said yes when they asked ‘does someone here want to be saved?’

I shouldn’t have said yes when they invited me to walk to the front to be prayed with.

I shouldn’t have said yes when he asked me to marry him (twice)

No

I should have said no to leaving school at 16 with 2 O’Levels

I should have said no to asking him for money for my kids

I should have said no to answering any questions from him

I should have said no to him coming back into my bed after trashing my kitchen

I should have said no to the constant criticism of my girls

I should have said no to not going on holiday unless they were away with their dad

I should have said no to putting his needs before my own or my children’s

Should

I should have asked the police to take him away when they offered.

I should have logged out of my gmail account before I went away for a weekend

I should have remembered that I am a FUCKING QUEEN

I should have made sure my husband knew it

I should have owned it, put on the mantle and worn the crown

Will

I will never apologise for being me again

I will never be silenced by another’s neediness again

I will own my desires, celebrate my loves and live my life to the fill

I will take pleasure in small delights

And I will delight in the big ones

I will dare to love with abandon and with my whole heart

I will never abandon myself again

#F4TFriday

 

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